All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
