so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
