He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
