Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
