I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
