dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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