God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
