If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize