Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
