So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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