I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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Do I have a choice?
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not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
