Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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