why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
