I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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