I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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