so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
