I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
