she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
