Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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