Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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