I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I did not marry a roomba.
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