everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
