My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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