I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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