Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How external is "for external use only"?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
