Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
