i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
