You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
