Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
