So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
