Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
