im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
