I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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