Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
