Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
foreskin is a definite game changer
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
