I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
