I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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