u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
