She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
