I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
