saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
