um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
