Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
