GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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