there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
