he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
