im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
