3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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