If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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