I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
