At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I forgot how hot balto sounded
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
