I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
