The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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