so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
