but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
