i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
