Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
