The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
