Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
