The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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