Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
