I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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