I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
