Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
