come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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