Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
