I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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