More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i was born a porn star she said
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
