'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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