at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
