we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
