During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
