i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
