there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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