yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
